The Dark Side of Attachments

Why Letting Go of Attachments in Life

The dark side of attachments

Desire

Attachments create desire, and desire generates an expectation. To guarantee the fulfillment of the expectation, the mind has to make choices—not so much the choices between doing what is right and what is wrong, as the choices between doing what can and cannot repeat the past success, as well as what can and cannot avoid the future failure. In the process of making these difficult choices, the mind may becomes unduly stressed, leading to anxiety, frustration, and disappointment. Human desire is the root cause of all human woes.

“There is no greater sin than desire,

No greater curse than discontent,

No greater misfortune than wanting something for oneself.

Therefore he who knows that enough is enough

 will always have enough.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 46)

Control

Control is the byproduct of attachments, a tool used by the mind to perpetuate the attachments.

“The world is ruled by letting things take their course.
It cannot be ruled by interfering.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 48)

Most of us are controlling to a greater or less extent. We, as parents, control our children’s destiny by striving to steer them clear of the wrong path we had previously treaded ourselves.

Our culture tells us that we should be in control of everything around us at all times; controlling, to many, is synonymous with independence.

But controlling is not Tao because it is an unnatural way of running away from everyday problems, instead of embracing them. Controlling is a direct or subtle way of exerting influence over others so that we may have power over the turn of events in our lives. In other words, we delusively think we can make things happen the way we want them to happen in our lives through control and manipulation of others. Of course, it is only a wishful thinking that we can have total control of what happens in our lives.

Indisputably, life is forever changing, whether we like it or not. Just learn to accept the fact that we are sometimes helpless to stop an unwelcome change in our lives. Paradoxically, accepting that unwelcome change may surprisingly bring us peace of mind. Unfortunately, many of us simply choose to avoid it by controlling people who, we think, may either cause or avert that unwelcome change. Control stems from fear and worry, which are projections of the mind into the future, and which are the major factors of stress.

How often we control our children, our parents, our friends, and our co-workers without being aware of our control.

To let go of control requires courage. Mark Twain once said humorously about the cure for insomnia: “Try lying on the edge of the bed, then you might drop off.” Indeed, to go to sleep, you must have the courage to let go of your thoughts before you can fall asleep—just like letting go of the fear when lying on the edge of the bed.

“. . . sometimes it’s necessary to go a long distance out of the way in order to come back a short distance correctly.” Edwar Albee

The bright side of non-attachment

Spontaneity instead of choices

But, with the wisdom of Tao, life does not have to be filled with difficult choices and anxious expectations. Spontaneity is the solution, the secret to the art of living well: letting nature run its natural course.

”Empty yourself of everything.
Let your mind rest at peace.
Watch the workings of all of creation,

and contemplate their return.
They grow and flourish and then return to the source.
Returning to the source is stillness,

which is the way of nature.
The way of nature is unchanging.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 16)

Spontaneity is similar to what is said in the Bible: “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” (Matthew 26: 26)

Do not over-worry because things do not turn out the way you think they should.

”That which shrinks

Must first expand.

That which fails,

Must first be strong.

That which is cast down

Must first be raised.

Before receiving, there must be giving.

This is called perception of the nature of things.

Soft and weak overcome hard and strong.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 36)

Stephen Lau

Copyright©by Stephen Lau