Controlling and Letting Go

Controlling and Letting Go

Thanks to our artists, we all pretend well; but deep down the layer of pretense is the awareness of the underlying reality. To suppress that reality, we turn to controlling, which is a subconscious way to enhance the reality of our expectations in life.

Most of us are controlling to some extent. Thanks to our culture, underlying every one of us is the inherent belief that we should be in control of everything around us at all times. The American culture advocates control for self-independence and survival.

What exactly is controlling? Why makes people want to control others as well as their own destinies?

Controlling is a coward way of running away from everyday problems; it is a futile attempt to avoid everyday stress. Essentially, it is a direct or subtle way of exerting influence over others so that we may have power over the turns of events in our own lives. In other words, we delude ourselves into thinking that we can make things happen the way we want them to happen in our lives through control and manipulation of others, including ourselves.

Reflective Thought

Control and discipline may look similar but they are different.

Case in Point

We can discipline our children so that they may do the right things without getting into trouble. But many of us still want to “control” them even when they have turned adults; we may want to steer them away from the difficult paths we had trotted ourselves when we were young. That, in reality, is controlling. We can give them advice, but imposing anything on them is deemed as exerting control. “It’s for their own good!” is no more than an excuse to control.

Reflective Thought

Not controlling means willingness in letting go of one’s expectations in life.

Case in Point

The Biblical story of the parable of the prodigal son is a good illustration of what is NOT controlling. (Luke 15: 11-32) In the story, a man had two sons, and the younger son asked for his fortune; the father gave it to him, and he spent it recklessly on women  and gambling. When he was out of money and the land was struck by a famine, he returned home to his father, who welcomed him back with open arms. To many, the story highlights God's forgiveness of repentant sinners. But the story also illustrates the power of letting go and not controlling. 

THE BOOK OF LIFE AND LIVING explains in simple language with common everyday examples to illustrate the essence of Tao wisdom and how it may integrate with conventional wisdom to live a life of your choice.

 THE BOOK OF LIFE AND LIVING is the wisdom in the art of living well.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Control and Out of Control

CONTROL AND OVER-DOING

Controlling external events is futility because control is but an illusion based on expected results projected by the thinking mind into the future. Concentration on controlling makes it difficult to concentrate on doing the right things to make you live longer.

The TAO, which is the wisdom of Lao Tzu, the ancient sage from China, looks upon the world as something to be accepted, and that involves invoking the profound but paradoxical wisdom of “action through inaction”—which is action based on acceptance of nature or the natural turn of events in life.

“Whenever we try to control,

we separate ourselves from our true nature.

Man proposes; the Creator disposes.

Life is sacred: it flows exactly as it should.

Trusting in the Creator, we return to our breathing,

natural and spontaneous, without conscious control.

In the same manner:

sometimes we have more,

sometimes we have less;

sometimes we exert ourselves,

sometimes we pull back;

sometimes we succeed,

sometimes we fail.

Trusting in the Creator, we see the comings and goings of things,

but without straining and striving to control them.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, chapter 29)

According to the TAO, everything in life must follow a natural cycle, whether we like it or not, and that we must be patient because nothing is within our control, especially our destinies.

”That which shrinks
must first expand.
That which fails,
must first be strong.
That which is cast down
must first be raised.
Before receiving, there must be giving.
This is called perception of the nature of things.
Soft and weak overcome hard and strong.”
(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, chapter 36)

Spontaneity is the essence of the natural cycle. What goes up must eventually come down; life begets death; day is followed by night—just like the cycle of the four seasons.

"Allowing things to come and go,

following their natural laws,

we gain everything.

Straining and striving,

we lose everything."

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, chapter 48)

Intuition of spontaneity is an understanding of the impermanence of all things: nothing lasts no matter how we strive to keep the impermanent permanent, and everything remains only with that very present moment.

"Strong winds come and go.

So do torrential rains.

Even heaven and earth cannot make them last forever."

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te  Ching, chapter 23)

The bottom line: do what needs to be done, but without over-doing, which causes stress in everyday life and living.

THE TAO OF LIVING LONGER

THE COMPLETE TAO TE CHING IN PLAIN ENGLISH

Stephen Lau                             

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

The Role of Spiritual Wisdom

The Role of Spiritual Wisdom

“Life lives itself in us, when we focus on the Creator.

From that focal point, around which all of life revolves.

We watch everything come and go,

with no judgment, no preference.

Everything that is, was, or ever will be,

will return to its origin: the Creator.

Understanding the comings and goings of things,

we fret not, and judge not.

Focusing on the Creator,

we are open to all of life.

Opening to all of life,

we embrace all with thankfulness for what we get,

with gratitude for not getting what we deserve.

Discovering the true nature of things,

we live with compassion and loving-kindness.

All endings become beginnings, all returning to the Creator.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, chapter 16)

        

To seek the Creator, take a look at nature. You will see why it lasts: the reason is that everything does not exist for itself, and that is why it can last forever—they are all inter-connected with one another for existence and survival.

So, focus on others, and not just on yourself. By doing so, you may discover the true meaning of love and loving-kindness.

Opening to all, you learn to appreciate others and connect with them.

“In the absence of the Creator, we forget who we really are.

Then we turn to other things to define who we are, what is good and moral.

In the presence of the Creator, we act according to our hearts,

instead of relying on rules and regulations from those above us.

Rules and regulations may bring fairness and justice,

but no more than a pretense of life.

A pretense of life is our inability to love indiscriminately.

Then we insist on those above us to heal our suffering,

which originates from ourselves.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, chapter 18)

Living in the world means following all the rules and regulations that are made exclusively for the world.

If you are in the world but not of the world, these man-made rules and regulations are no more than a pretense of life—abiding by them is not what you would seek in your search for the TAO of living for life.

Stephen Lau        

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

The Paradoxical TAO Wisdom

The Paradoxical TAO Wisdom

The Tao wisdom of Tao Te Ching is paradoxical and even contradictory: it requires the reversal of the common or conventional thinking process in order to truly appreciate and comprehend what Lao Tzu was saying.

To illustrate, according to Tao wisdom, we think with our hearts and only feel with our minds, while in conventional wisdom, we use our minds to think, to reason, and to judge by using our common logic. In Tao, we let the mind do its natural function of feeling and observing, instead of thinking. More specifically, the main function of the human mind is to observe the thoughts in the thinking mind but without any judgment or interference. The Chinese for “I think” is literally “my heart thinks.” (我心想) For centuries, the Chinese have been inculcated with the concept that the heart, and not the mind, is responsible for the ultimate thinking process. However, that is not to contradict the Western concept that the mind thinks. In Tao wisdom, however, “thinking with the heart” figuratively means consciously slowing down the thinking mind, and thereby letting the mind observe the rambling thoughts, instead of having the mind being controlled and overwhelmed by those distracting thoughts. Simply put, the mind mainly feels and observes; it does little thinking and judging in deference to the heart.

To further illustrate the above point, the human mind is like a car, just an instrument of the human brain. The driver is the heart that controls the steering. The car only observes and feels, just as the body does through its five senses. The car does not control its speed or its direction, but the driver does. It is, therefore, important that the car does not exceed the speed limit, because if it goes too fast, it cannot properly observe the surrounding environment with its details, and thus endangering the driver. Similarly, it is also important for the human mind to purposely slow down, so that the individual or the driver can see clearly where he or she is going. Tao wisdom focuses on slowing down the thinking mind, letting it become only the non-judgmental observer so that the heart can make the intelligent choices and decisions in life. According to Lao Tzu, true wisdom is total mental awareness—awareness of what is happening around us, awareness of the nature of things; true wisdom is not based on any human concept, let alone the pre-conditioning of the human mind. That is the reason why it cannot be expressed in words; it has to be experienced and self-intuited by each and every individual. There is no blueprint for all.

Indeed, the Tao wisdom expressed in Tao Te Ching is filled with many paradoxes and contradictory expressions, for example:

 “The more we look, the less we see.

The more we hear, the less we listen.

The more we crave, the crazier we become.”

(Chapter 12, Tao Te Ching)

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

The Wisdom to Live Longer

the wisdom of centenarians

The Ancient Centenarian: Luigi Cornaro

Luigi Cornaro, a Venetian nobleman, was one of the most celebrated centenarians, who lived from 1464 to 1566 AD.

In his youth, Luigi had abused his health with a lifestyle of wantonness and excess, resulting in an extremely weak constitution, accompanied by many physical ailments.

At the age of thirty-five, he was given up by his physicians to die. Luigi’s physicians prescribed a temperate lifestyle as the only way to end his suffering and preserve his very fragile life. That temperate lifestyle was essentially the exercise of self-restraint or self-discipline in relation to diet and drink for calorie restriction. His physician recommended for him a diet consisting of only twelve ounces a day of solid foods of bread, a vegetable soup with tomato, an egg yolk, and a little meat, divided into two meals, and fourteen ounces of pure grape juice, also divided into two servings.

He lived on that minimal diet of calorie restriction from age thirty-five until eighty-five, when his relatives began to urge him to eat a little more since he was getting old and he required more physical strength and stamina. Complying with and succumbing to their well wishes and importunities, Luigi reluctantly agreed to increase his food intake from twelve to fourteen ounces. Immediately, he became seriously ill with high fever. Eventually, Luigi had the longevity wisdom to revert to his former anti-aging living with a diet of calorie restriction. As a result, he lived in a state of unbroken health and happiness until the age of one hundred and two.

Luigi was famous for his longevity living in relation to calorie restriction. He expressed his wisdom in his discourse when he was in his eighties and nineties. His wisdom has been an inspiration for more than five centuries. His longevity wisdom was simple and down-to-earth: never overeat; avoid environmental stress, such as extreme heat and cold; and avoid extreme fatigue, and interruption of sleep.

The bottom line: you don't have to eat such a low-calorie diet of Luigi in order to live long; just eat less, and eat only when you are hungry.

The Contemporary Centenarian: Dr. Shigeaki Hinohara

Dr. Shigeaki Hinohara, from Japan, turned 104 recently, and he is one of the world's longest-serving physicians and educators. Since 1941, he has been healing patients at St. Luke's International Hospital in Tokyo and teaching at St. Luke's College of Nursing. He has published around 15 books since his 75th birthday, including his bestseller "Living Long, Living Good."

As the founder of the New Elderly Movement, Hinohara encourages others to live a long and happy life with the following wisdom he would like to share with all:

·  Dr. Shigeaki Hinohara stresses the importance of not becoming overweight.

·    For breakfast, Dr. Shigeaki Hinohara drinks coffee, milk, and orange juice with a tablespoon of olive oil, which is for healthy arteries and healthy skin. For lunch, he drinks milk with a few cookies. For dinner, he eats vegetables, a bit of fish and rice, and, sometimes some lean meat.

· He always keeps himself busy with a full schedule ahead. He recommends that any retirement should be a lot later than 65.

·       He shares what he knows—one of the reasons why he is still working and teaching. When he teaches, he always stands to stay strong.

·       He recommends having a second thought or always seeking a second opinion whenever a doctor recommends a test, a procedure, or a surgery.

·      He believes that doctors cannot cure everyone. Instead, he believes in music and animal therapy. 

·     He recommends taking the stairs and carrying your own stuff to stay healthier and younger for longer.

·  He uses doing fun things to forget his pain, both physical and emotional.

·    He recommends letting go of all material things because nobody knows when his or her number is up, and nothing can be taken to the next place.

·  He believes that each person is unique, and illness is therefore individualized. But medical science lumps all and sundry together; an individual should understand why he or she is sick, and not the doctor. Science alone cannot cure or help you; you must learn to help yourself.

·     He believes that life is always filled with unpredictable incidents. So, be prepared.

·       He stresses the importance of finding a role model to help with setting life goals and life purposes.

·      He believes that energy comes from doing good and feeling good, and not from good food or good sleep.

·   To Dr. Shigeaki Hinohara, it is always wonderful to live long, and he loves every minute of it.

YOU JUST DON’T DIE!

YOUNGER AND HEALTHIER FOR LONGER

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau